Homeless

I curled up beside Savannah on an old cot matress in someone elses house to sing her to sleep tonight. It was a weirdmix of worry and gratitude.

Human nature

I've just been thinking/ noticing something. If someone is rude to us on the street or the road or wherever we react to them in some way right? (even if it's in our head) but if someone is rude to us at church so many people react towards the church instead of the individual. Is it only obvious to me that obnoxious people and stereotypes are everywhere? So why do people go away from the church because they're ignored or offended or for any other reason regarding people when it has nothing to do with the church itself? Are we so primeval that we see the church as guilty by association instead of seeing the obvious; that arrogant and self righteous people are in any large group? High school, work, the gym, centrelink, facebook...
I could be wrong but people seem to me to go away from the church because they either misunderstand the doctrine (sometimes because someone's preaching false doctrine and the person doesn't find out for themself) or for people related issues. I like to think that human beings are intelligent, but denying a perfectly good organization because of some person or people in it denies logic. Having said that I myeself spent some time away from the church for both of those reasons, but as soon as I understood the principles of the Gospel and gained an open hearted testimony of our Saviour Jesus Christ, the people issues became an irrelevant inconvenience (as far as church activity goes anyway) and the doctrinal questions eventually lead to answers so in the meantime my testimony fills in the blanks until those answers come. Jesus said that the well need no physician, so maybe that's why there are crazy people coming to church. They see a light even if they don't know what to do with it. The world is full of nice people as well as obnoxious little snots, so why should the church come into that at all?

The story

Ok, this is the story of my family this year. It may sound pretty full on but I think it'll be therapudic to have it out. To start with of course there was the hypermesis in pregnancy, then being stuck in that wheelchair for a few weeks (I learned a lot from that experience, let me tell you. But to me those events seem insignificant. Maybe it's because they were just the prude to this year, or maybe Because they were just physical trials. But the biggest, of course, was almost losing Mahonri. When I was still pregnant I had a dream that a man came to take my baby away from me. I realized that I was completely powerless to do anything about it except plead that I could keep him. Then when Mahonri was born I truly had the birth experience of a lifetime and it was every bit as blissful and transcendant as I always dreamed it could be. Then Mahonri started throwing up...but a lot of babies throw up don't they? Then there was the extra sleeping and the continued weight loss. One day was a nightmare, the day I really knew it was serious. It hit me in one devestating blow that I could really lose him. I single handedly broke the drought that night! And I plead with Heaven to let me keep him and I suddenly understood the dream. The worst part was that I'd been woken up before I knew what happened. Do I get to keep him? So when he was 2 weeks old and getting thinner, they sent me to the hospital to test him for pyloric stenosis. It wasn't that. It turns out that my baby was one in a million. He had an anular pancreas. It had grown right around his intestine, blocking it. My poor little angel baby was starving to death. He had to have major surgery and now he's finally thriving but he has to have more surgery for something different in a few months. Thankfully though it's only minor this time. So while we were in the hospital his sodium dropped dangerously low, but that was also fixed in PICU. But I found out that I had gall stones. Nasty! So I had to have my gall bladder out and my heart dropped and almost stopped on me from the anesthetic. I just found out that I have to have my wisdom teeth out or I'll lose more than just them, and of course it couldn't be some normal extraction, no they have to be surgically removed by hacking into my jaw under another general anesthetic! I'm terrified!!! Although that's a serious understatement. Also I have menieres disease under continuing investigation (meaning tones of unpleasant tests) and Johns muscular dystrophy is deteriorataing fast!! And then there's the most recent bombshell; my family and I are about to become homeless. But I don't think it's going to be so bad as others have to deal with and we have our faith to rely on. I am worried about my 3 babies though... The unknown is very frightening but we have our Lord who won't forsake us. And I know that whatever happens is ultimately for our benefit!

I haven't been writing lately because our Internet isn't working and it's a pain to write it on my phone like this! But it's a good day today because it is the third anniversary of our family being sealed together forever in the Temple!

Yesterday...yikes!

Yesterday was not a pretty day in the life of Mrs Invisible (that would be me). It's hard not being able to concentrate. I've always been able to rely on my mind and my near-photographic memory, but this ridiculous dizziness makes that pretty much non-existent on a bad day...like yesterday. My wonderful hubby always forgets and still acts like I should be my normal chipper self, up to speed on EVERYTHING! So, through no fault of his, I feel completely stupid when he's like "Do you have ...such and such" because I can't even remember to bring my bag downstairs to the car when we're about to go out, let alone the important things. I am determined however to learn to work within this sphere. I am going to figure out ways to limit the chaos and try to be organized enough to reduce the number of things I need to remember. Also I made some 'schedule' guidelines ages ago when Ephraim was a baby (because I couldn't think on half an hour's sleep a night) with morning routines, bedtime routines (for kids and adults), scripture reading, Temple attendance, meal ideas, music lessons, reading and writing and all the other things I need to do with the kids so I think I'll just update it to now and laminate it so I can use it as a memory prompt. I'm also using my diary a lot more. I've always been more of the spontaneous type, but organization, though unnatural for me, is going to be the key coping strategy from now on. I can't even take medication for this because I'm breastfeeding (mostly), and I'm not ready to stop yet.

So yesterday I felt invisible. I would talk or crack a joke (that I was obviously the only one who found it funny) and people would literally act as if I hadn't spoken. I wasn't quiet either! They would just go on their merry way or walk away while I was speaking. The highlight of my day was mothers group in the park. I love talking to other Mum's and I find that just listening to them talk is just nice. I wasn't sure what to do at one point. Savannah hit one of the other kids with a stick and when I went to ask her about it I found out that she was standing up for Ephraim because this kid had been hitting him with a stick. So I wanted to encourage her to stick up for her brother and look after him without condoning violence, specifically hitting kids with sticks in this case. What to do?!!

For the sake of anonymity, I'm going to give my best friend a made up name so I can still mention her. Hmm.....Esther. Yep, Esther was beautiful, compassionate, brave and wise...that suits her perfectly!!! So I got to talk to Esther which always cheers me up simply because I know that she really cares. Nothing about me is stupid to her so I feel completely safe sharing my feelings about anything and it's like exhaling. She is a testimony to me of the pre-existance because we know each other way better than we could just from this life. People change so much in this life; from being an innocent kid, to a rebellious teen, to a beginner Mum, to a grown up. And the way Esther and I know each other is like, something that goes deeper than all that. We've dpopped in and out of contact so many times and always just pick up where we left off, even if we've argued or whatever. Also y'know how they say that twins are connected? We are too. When she had a cesarean, my face got itchy from the morphine. When she was scared I was crying. We always have breakdowns on the same day at the same time without knowing until after and have so many other 'coincidences' in common that I couldn't even list them all. So talking to her on the phone yesterday kept me sane. Then my hubby...I'll call him Enoch...hired some movies so we could have a quiet one together. One of them I just want to say was not very good. It was well done and everything, but using the word 'good's origing or meaning or whatever of 'of God' I would not use the word good for this movie. It had multiple scripture representations or eluding to things and had all the appearance of Gospel parallels but at the end of the world when there were biblically prophesied events going on, in the very end there was a stunning absence. There was no Saviour. 9 parts truth to 1 part lie. It was really obvious to me but that may be because I've just been broadening my understanding on this (how the adversary subtly denies the Christ) of late. It's really disapointing when a movie or story has a good concept but ultimately is a vehicle for a message that is not acceptable. No wonder prophets warn us to be so careful with what we view in the media.

So 'Enoch' made me feel better by just being there and relaxing with me and telling me he loves me! Today has been really nice so far. We've been setting goals together and teaching Savannah the alphabet.